1) Freshman year of college, a cute but short guy on the cross country team takes a shine to me and asks me out on a date. He takes me to a nice restaurant, which is already a step up from the dining hall and things go pretty well until he starts telling me that he likes to make stuff. Like furniture. Like his bed. Apparently he made his bed, the frame, headboard, everything. Then he asks me as we're leaving the restaurant if I wanted to go to his house so I could "see his bed." I was immediately sketched out and told him maybe next time and asked him if he could just take me back to my dorm and never went out with him again. I seriously couldn't tell if that was a line or if he thought he could innocently ask a girl on a first date if she wanted to see his bed. It still kind of creeps me out.
2) Junior year of college, I'm dating a guy who recently graduated and is friends with a bunch of my friends. He is really sweet and treats me well, which of course means I decide after 2 months that I want nothing to do with him. But before I make that clever decision, and stop seeing him so I can continue my pursuit of jerks and losers, he and his roommate decide to take me and a girl his roommate wants to get with out to dinner. He picks me up and we arrive at the restaurant on time. Roommate and roommate's date are nowhere to be found. So we wait and wait and eventually they show up... hammered. They had gone to some art show and gotten completely wasted and then show up at this nice quiet restaurant where they proceed to giggle and talk too loudly and harass the waitress. At one point, the roommate spills the better part of a large glass of red wine all over the table. Thankfully, my date is lovely and handles the situation beautifully, but it was quite the scene.
3) I moved to DC and didn't really meet people for the first... three years I lived here. I had work friends and a handful of non-work friends, but not a good, solid group of friends. So I was bored. A lot. I meet this guy at a bar when one of my roommates from college is in town visiting with her husband. I actually think his friend is really cute and that he is meh. But I'm drunk and I give meh guy my number anyway after acting all sassy and ridiculous and figuring out that the cute one had a girlfriend (natch). We end up dating for a few months, but again, this is primarily out of boredom. He was an ok guy most of the time, but this one night...
He went to school in DC and a lot of his college buddies still lived here. I met most of his friends almost right off the bat, but there was this one friend of his from college that it took me a while to meet. The friend from college had recently gotten engaged after moving in with his girlfriend/fiance. He talked this guy up so much, he's so funny, he's a little rough around the edges but a great guy, blah blah blah. So dude invites the friend from college, the fiance and me over to his apartment for pre-going out drinks so we can meet. I walk in the door, and pretty much the first thing out of the fiance's mouth is: you are not invited to our wedding. Awesome, I'm thinking, because I have no intention of still being with this guy by the time your shitty wedding rolls around, but nice to meet you too. Then, as we're sitting and drinking, the college friend starts in on me because I'm a big fan of my college's illustrious sports team. At the time, we were one of the best teams in the country and the season was coming to a close. Our best player was a household name, if the household followed this particular sport. So the college friend starts asking me why I like this sport and team so much and is it because I'm in love with the star player. He's being pretty belligerent. I say of course not and try to explain why I love the sport/team. Then the college friend asks me if its because I want to fuck the star player. As this is happening, the dude I'm dating is just sitting across the room cracking up like this is the funniest shit he's ever heard while I am trying to be gracious when all I want to do is to tell this asshole to go fuck himself. My guy never picks up on the fact that I am furious and his friend is not hilarious and that was kind of the final nail in the coffin.
Oh! But, after I told the guy that I'm not happy in the relationship and I think we should break things off, he looks up the WORK email of a friend of mine that he had met a handful of times and asks her what he did wrong and how he can win me back. And this was pre-Facebook, so stalking of that sort was not really acceptable. Totally inappropriate! Dating sucks!
4) I get literally falling down drunk at Dan's Cafe with my same roommate from college - she used to live in DC too. We decide we want to dance, so we head over to the Angry Inch because they have music. That was our criteria I think. Does it have music? Yes! Let's go! When we get there, my college roommate runs into one of her coworkers - she worked at a Federal agency under Bush, so all of the political appointees there are Republicans. Again, since I am drunk, I am acting sassy and ridiculous, but I'm extra drunk so I am being extra sassy. We're all dancing, at one point, the coworker/Bush appointee decides to dip me and drops me on the floor (of the Angry Inch -ew!). After not too long, I realize I am moments away from disaster/ vomiting and my feet really hurt, so I tell my friend I'm leaving and stumble outside where I proceed to take off my shoes and attempt to stumble home barefoot. Its all kind of a blur, but the coworker/Bush appointee either had offered to walk me home or followed me outside. Either way, he ends up giving me a piggy back ride home to my place, two blocks away. We make out a little and blessedly he leaves. I spend the rest of the weekend in a hungover stupor and hope I didn't make too big of an ass out of myself.
The next week, my friend emails me at work to let me know her coworker really liked me and wants my number. I am dumbfounded but agree because why not? She gives me a little briefing on him before we go out, because Bush appointee dudes aren't really my type. Turns out his dad was a state legislator and chairman of the Republican party in the state where he grew up. He now is high up at some other federal agency. So, armed with this knowledge that I'm not just going out with any old Bush appointee, but the prince of the Republican party, I meet the dude for the date. Its a little awkward, as all first dates are, especially when you can't really remember what the guy looked like because when you met him, you had one too many Jack and Cokes and are twenty minutes away from booting. We're talking about the usual stuff, where we're from, where we went to school, how we ended up in DC, etc. So I ask the guy what it was like to grow up in such a political house. He snaps, "my house wasn't political at all." Which I find very surprising. Because c'mon dude, your dad ran for and won elections. But that was the fatal blow to this budding romance. The mood of the date, which wasn't that great to begin with, completely soured. Its all for the best though because it would have been pretty hard to stay my charming, drunk on whiskey self for an entire relationship.
No comments:
Post a Comment